GONE
by May May Meow
Summary: There was a time when she was close to him, closer than anyone before. But then she was gone and he had been the one that send her away. FEMShanksxMihawk.


_a oneshot, one of some that i wrote with mihawkxFEMshanks. They all belong to the same 'story' if you want to call it that. If you liked this one you might like the others too (i reference them here and there, but nothing too big)_

_:) you can find them on my profile._

_thank you very much for reading! Enjoy!_

* * *

GONE

"Why are you leaving for the East Blue for crying out loud? I will not get a decent battle in months…" Mihawk mumbled on how she could do this to him, but she had made up her mind. Shanks wondered for a moment, if she should tell him why she left there in the first place or if that would complicate things for him, seeing how he had become a shichibukai a few years ago.

And now she was sailing away too; it seemed like life was forcefully pulling them apart. Shanks sighed.

"I have to go, Dracule." She hoped using this name would prove to him how serious she was about this. "I promised Captain…"

Indeed that stopped Mihawk's ranting and he furrowed his brows. Oh how she loved those golden eyes, but Shanks pulled herself together. No use if she got dreamy now.

"I promised him I would find his son. And I got new leads pointing to the area around Logue Town. Cruel if you think about it." But that name brought a whole lot of different kinds of shivers to Mihawk. The memory of a drenched and wailing Shanks was etched into his memories sharper than any blade could ever have.

"Will you be alright, Shanks? I will watch your vivre card. And I will not forgive you-"

"I'm fine!" Shanks interrupted Mihawk with a grin. And the only reason he did not inquire further was because he trusted that smile. Still, he would sleep with one eye open watching her card until she returned.

"I have me crew now! You know Benn, he will be watching me like a hawk. As always." She winked and he graced the pun with a faint smile. Yes, he knew the man and he trusted him to protect Shanks. So maybe he could close his eyes at night after all.

"When will you leave? Maybe we have time for a match before you leave?" Mihawk asked hopeful. She rose, gulping the remaining bottle down in one go.

"ALRIGHT! Let's do this, Hawky!" He snorted. But it amused him how quickly her demeanor could change and that element of surprise, some might call it waywardness, would always intrigue him. If she wasn't maddening him at the same time that was.

* * *

For months Shanks had sailed the East Blue without a sign of Ace. While she kept asking around in every bar she could find she ended up in Foosha Village. There was a boy there, too young to be Ace, but still he had her lay awake at night, wondering about fate.

By now she still had hopes that maybe one day Mihawk would like her the way she liked him, possibly even love her. But at the same time the more years passed, the more that hope seemed to be in vain. Maybe fate had something else in store for her. Maybe Luffy was to be the one man in her life.

Maybe she wasn't supposed to have a lover, but a child. She smiled brushing over the little boy's hair. His snores were adorable, just like anything else about him; from the messy black hair, over the tiny nose to the still pink scar under his eye.

How terrified she had been when he rammed that knife in his face. As if that had to do anything with courage. It had everything to do with stupidity, yes, but true courage came from defending others, not one's pride. But that hadn't been the only kind of terror she had felt then. For a moment she had thought he was to kill himself because she had declared Luffy had to stay here.

Her thoughts returned to Mihawk and how he had saved her from that foolishness in her darkest hour. No, she would never cut her ties with him, no matter what Benn said, no matter if Mihawk was to become an admiral of the marines or a celestial dragon even. For Shanks owed her life to him and so Mihawk' doing was beyond judgment. Which didn't mean she was to stop teasing him about it; that she would never cease, Shanks thought with a mischievous grin.

* * *

At the same night, far south, in the Grand Line, Mihawk lay awake too. Something had happened again with Shanks' vivre card but he wasn't sure if that was for the good or for the bad; it had turned pale pink on the edges.

Mihawk didn't believe in heaven, or hell for that matter, so he was sure she hadn't gone to the holy place. And there was no smoke, or even fire, so that was calming. But the color change still robbed him of his sleep. He sighed getting up; maybe some wine would lull him back to sleep.

At least she had stayed clear of the papers and also within the marines Mihawk had heard nothing of any outrageous behavior from Red Haired Shanks. It had been months since he had last heard of her at all, and that all was very suspicious. On her way to the East Blue she had called him up almost every day to quell her boredom so that made the whole situation even more mysterious.

Maybe she had someone else to keep her company? Mihawk put the bottle down with a bit more force than desired. The noise rattled him awake though. Was that pink shine of the card affection? Mihawk snorted at the absurdity of the very idea. Shanks was never serious about anyone, so certainly she wouldn't- but his thoughts stopped right there. She had always said how she wanted a family, so clearly she would be sincere at one point and commit. And she was in that age when women tended to start thinking seriously about children too.

But as he was hastily gulping down the wine a calming thought filled him along with the cool liquid. Maybe she had indeed managed to find the boy of her former captain. That would explain her lack of communication and the coloring of the card, if he was interpreting it correctly of course. The art of reading the vivre card was a great secret after all, and some even say every card behaved differently, just like real people would.

But even assuming he was correct with all that; it still did not explain her continued absence.

And it meant a puny kid had replaced him in Shanks' ranking; him, a master swordsman, a man of refinement and elegance, of great taste in wine and interior design, a man unmatched by any. He was fuming. That kind of thinking had only aggravated him more.

With swift strides he marched to his study where the den den mushi was. He didn't care for the hour, Shanks was always up until well after midnight. And the small time delay meant it was a bit earlier where she was right now.

"Yes? 'S that you, Hawkeye?" It was Benn, but Mihawk ignored the stab of annoyance, clearly it couldn't be jealousy, that his friend couldn't even answer her snail when he was calling.

"Yes, Benn Beckman. Could you get Shanks, please?" Benn yelled something in the crowd that elicited howling laughter. Mihawk inhaled slowly and willed himself to be patient.

"Sorry, Hawky-" Mihawk decided he would slice this man one day. Shanks' bad manners were rubbing off on him. "- but the captain is upstairs in bed, with a man if you know what I mean." Again there was snickering from the crew. Clearly they were delighted that their captain was fooling around with some village man. Mihawk's first thought was that no man beyond the Grand Line was even remotely worthy of her company.

"I understand. Tell her I called and that Yoru misses the taste of her blood." With that he ended the call without waiting for a response.

So she had found someone indeed. Mihawk tried to be happy for her, but really all he could think that this relationship, should it continue, would cut down the time she would be sparing with him. Or worse; she would settle down and give up the sword completely.

He felt sick only imagining.

But there was hope too. Mihawk remembered her words from way back well. 'It's not a sport or a game for me. I fight to live.', those had been her words. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the realization that shanks would never abandon swordsmanship, but probably both. But Mihawk was calm enough to head back to bed.

* * *

She was laughing, but those who were able to look past her grin knew of the dread that welled up inside her. But the lack of hesitation, the utter seriousness when she talked down Haguma, it all spoke volumes of just how serious a woman could be.

Benn could not help but compare her to a lioness as she stepped towards the bandit who had been dumb enough to torment the lion cub. But no matter how mangy, even the most run down wolf had fangs and so even Benn was outsmarted when the smoke bomb exploded, blinding them.

The effect on Shanks however was comical. At least at first, but when she took after them without hesitation Benn began to worry. Her face had been a grimace painted of wrath and fear and these two emotions might seem rather unrelated at first, but Benn knew they were close cousins when it came to blind one's common sense and foresight.

And when it came to these traits, Shanks wasn't too prosperous to begin with.

* * *

Mihawk was confused when there was a warm sensation in his groins. Just when he put his hand atop his pants did he realize it was once more the vivre card that had changed.

It was red, so red that it hurt his eyes. And it was very warm. He stood still in his hallway trying to figure out what that meant, once more intrigued by the spell that made it possible to convey feelings through a piece of paper.

"Ouch!" He had to drop it, that much heat had begun to radiate from it, but it wasn't all red he realized. Black specs had appeared but while Mihawk was trying to figure out if polka dots were the new trend when it came to vivre cards, the little piece of paper lit up in flames.

Mihawk would never repeat the curses that fell from his lips to anyone but he would always remember the icy cold that froze his insides.

* * *

Shanks slowly regained consciousness. She felt terribly weak but people around her were whispering so she would have to keep up a brave face. She forced herself to grin, because the loudest of the noises had been a child sobbing and even with her eyes closed and her mind clouded did Shanks know who that was.

"Luf'? 's aaalrigh…" No good, her voice slurred. She shouldn't talk. Instead she patted the spot to her right because her left was nothing but a searing pain and she didn't want to wail in front of the boy. There were images to be upheld after all. But the closeness calmed the boy down and Shanks as well. He was safe and that was all she cared about right now.

"Boss, Hawkeye has called an estimated hundred times. What should we tell him? Do you wanna talk to him yourself?"

Shanks thought about that. Her voice was weak and she rather not tell Hawky about how he would get one easy win after the next from now on.

"Te-" Damn that was hard. "Tell hi' I'll vis-it. Soon." That was exhausting. Mihawk would have probably been delighted that she wasn't that chatty for once.

"Don't worry, boss, once the meds wear off you won't be sounding like a drunken retard anymore. Bring some more blood." The doctor addressed someone and Shanks took it that she was free to fall asleep again.

* * *

"Hi Hawky." She grinned when she stepped into his library. She had been wandering through most of the house but he had not come to greet her. But now he looked at her, scrutinizing her with a glare.

"Where the hell have you been all this time?! You look pale." He added with less anger and more concern in his voice.

"It's nothing, don't worry Dracule." Like always that caught his attention. He rose from the grand arm chair and walked towards her.

"Where's your hat? You didn't lose it, did you?" He had witnessed her doing terribly stupid things to retrieve that thing. "Is that what happened? What exactly happened, Shanks, you said you would tell me." He had taken another step towards her and spoke very quietly now. "I was very worried, Shanks. Come sit down with me." He guided her to a set of smaller cushioned chairs and Shanks exhaled slowly.

"I umm… I met someone in this one village." Mihawk had honestly forgotten about the mystery man until now. His mood darkened. Had that man betrayed her? Broken his heart? He sure hoped he was still alive so he could cut him into tiny pieces and scatter him across the world.

"Benn said something like that, yes. So he was involved in all this?" He gestured up and down her body, because so far he had still no clue what this even was.

"Yes. He is such a brave little boy…" Her voice sounded so dreamy and Mihawk had trouble keeping his composure. 'little boy'? He only anger that remained was that he had been fooled by his friend's first mate.

"So you found the son of your captain?" Mihawk was a lot more relaxed now and actually wanted to hear the whole story. But this time Shanks seemed to be the one hesitating to tell.

"Hah… no… I failed him." She lowered her gaze. "And after I got injured Benn urged me to move on and I had also promised to come see you." She looked back up and smiled at him and Mihawk's lips curved into a faint smile as well. He felt downright flattered.

"I take it you have a kid now? I should like to meet him. Is he an able swordsman in the making perhaps?" Once more Mihawk didn't have to feign interest. The possibilities that filled his head were exciting and overwhelming at the same time. He wondered if that was what parents felt when they realized they were about to be parents. That thought however made him almost blush. After all, Shanks was the one involved with the kid, not him.

"He remained in Foosha and he is no swordsman, especially not one like you. Although… that one time he fought for honor; not his own but mine. He is… he is like Captain. And just like him-… Mihawk, he is going to be our next king, I just know it. And that's where I left my hat too. It belonged to the former pirate king and it will crown the next one too. I was merely a messenger." Mihawk furrowed his brows.

He had always believed the woman in front of him would be their queen and he had always vowed himself that should she take on that position he would abandon the marines and follow her. He had looked forward to that day. But Shanks resumed talking so he kept these thoughts to himself.

"Although, I will get my straw hat back the moment he puts a crown on his head." She laughed a bit. "That's our promise. He will be a great leader one day. He is compassionate, friendly, as selfless as a seven year old can be." She paused once more gathering her courage before speaking further. " He protects his friends so I protected him." Her smile was radiant, full of love and Mihawk hoped that boy knew to honor this. Else he might get acquainted with Yoru.

"You got injured." Mihawk finally said when Shanks had stopped talking. For some reason she looked frightened, terrified and Mihawk began to wonder why. He had always felt honored that Shanks wasn't even attempting to hide anything from him. But that didn't meant it had always been easy to tell him the truth. Mihawk knew he could be very judgmental but he also knew how to ease her into telling him everything.

"It's okay, Shanks, just let me see. I have some very potent medicine here." He's had a fair share of injuries and often just himself to deal with it so he had gotten rather good at stitching and was always on the outlook for some strong remedies. Maybe it hadn't healed properly yet and he could help.

"Don't yell… you have to promise…" She looked at him and again there was the same fear in her eyes. And only then did it dawn to Mihawk. She wasn't here to get his help but his forgiveness. That's why she had told him of that little kid; to get his sympathies. But all that compassion died in that moment. He hated to be toyed with but that contempt turned into blatant denial when Shanks dropped her cloak form her shoulder.

An empty sleeve.

"No." He got up, pacing.

"Dracule… please…" She started but she couldn't look at him.

"NO!" He refused to accept that. Her dominant arm was missing.

"Please!" She looked at him now and her eyes begged, everything about her did.

"Get out." He needed no beggar in his world.

Shanks gasped, the pain edged in every piece of her being. Even with his eyes turned away he could her her suffering.

"GET OUT!" It hurt to look at her; it was too much for Mihawk to take. He could control the pain of a slash on his waist, a stab in his leg, but the look of his friend, his rival, defeated… that kind of pain he never learned to cancel out.

It took him several minutes to get his bearings back. But when he turned around Shanks was gone. For once she had followed his orders, the one time when she shouldn't have.

And the empty arm chair hurt even more than her missing arm. And that wasn't going anywhere.


End file.
